Survivor's response
A few days ago, Rev. Janet Fife published a reply to the Archbishops' pastoral letter in a blog called "surviving church". http://survivingchurch.org/2018/03/27/janet-fifes-letter-some-reflections/ It received thousands of hits and dozens of replies. This poses the question, "Can we expect that something will come out of it?"
I'm not so sure. It is encouraging. Archbishop Sentamu has written to Janet (she is in his Diocese). But he has asked her to keep their conversation confidential. As someone said, "It's our little secret" is not a phrase abuse survivors want to hear. But still, a long overdue contact has now been made.
A number of other posters have come on board and told of their experiences. Particularly striking are the number of people who say that not only have they been ignored by the church, but if they attempt to go to some other organisation, any initially helpful contact peters out when the church lawyers get involved. And when they try to find out what is being said about them, the paperwork doesn't always arrive.
My own experiences pale into insignificance beside being sexually abused as a child, for instance. But all abuses of power have things in common. The structures and ingrained behaviour that permit bullying to continue also permit other more serious actions to continue. This is not to minimise the effects of bullying, which can be fatal. It is hardly unknown for victims of bullying to commit suicide.
I have attempted to get people to act on my behalf. A friend told me in an irritated voice that I needed to talk to "E", as if it were the easiest thing in the world. What I had been trying to tell him was that she had refused to meet me. Eventually, in a roundabout way, I discovered that she had told people that it was me who was refusing to meet. I was in contact with both the Rural Dean, and the Warden of Readers. Both were sympathetic, and had no illusions about "E"! Both undertook to contact her on my behalf. Nothing happened. I subsequently found out that the Warden had forgotten, and the Rural Dean had done so, but had asked her if she had made that contact and not me. She of course, said yes. And because no-one spoke to me, she got away with it. So all you need to do is not talk to the victim, but only about them.
It is a form of snobbery. Even the nicest people tend to think that talking only to important people will do the job. I believe that there is a story about my having had an affair going about! No-one has said anything to me. But I seem to be being punished for it. There's a wariness in dealing with me. Of course, because you don't know for sure, you end up feeling paranoid. As they say, it messes with your mind! I should say at this point, that I haven't!
The trouble with behind your back accusations is that they can carry on being repeated indefinitely. It may not be true, it may be partly true, it may be true, but long ago dealt with in a proper manner. No-one will know. There is no tariff on gossip. You can be punished for twenty years for some imagined offence. Murderers get off quicker.
Sentamu wrote to Janet. What might I expect if there's someone out there who could and will help? A call from the Rural Dean? Or a contact from the Warden of Readers? Perhaps a letter from the Vulnerable Adults officer. There's a new one. I must be in their paperwork. Or even from the Bishop. That would be nice. Let's just say, I'm not holding my breath.
So, in conclusion, I'm reasonably hopeful that Janet will get something out of it. Much less hopeful that people like Gilo or Rev. Matt Ineson will, but it's possible. As for those with a very low profile? No. I don't think so. I'm afraid I don't think anyone is sorry.
I'm not so sure. It is encouraging. Archbishop Sentamu has written to Janet (she is in his Diocese). But he has asked her to keep their conversation confidential. As someone said, "It's our little secret" is not a phrase abuse survivors want to hear. But still, a long overdue contact has now been made.
A number of other posters have come on board and told of their experiences. Particularly striking are the number of people who say that not only have they been ignored by the church, but if they attempt to go to some other organisation, any initially helpful contact peters out when the church lawyers get involved. And when they try to find out what is being said about them, the paperwork doesn't always arrive.
My own experiences pale into insignificance beside being sexually abused as a child, for instance. But all abuses of power have things in common. The structures and ingrained behaviour that permit bullying to continue also permit other more serious actions to continue. This is not to minimise the effects of bullying, which can be fatal. It is hardly unknown for victims of bullying to commit suicide.
I have attempted to get people to act on my behalf. A friend told me in an irritated voice that I needed to talk to "E", as if it were the easiest thing in the world. What I had been trying to tell him was that she had refused to meet me. Eventually, in a roundabout way, I discovered that she had told people that it was me who was refusing to meet. I was in contact with both the Rural Dean, and the Warden of Readers. Both were sympathetic, and had no illusions about "E"! Both undertook to contact her on my behalf. Nothing happened. I subsequently found out that the Warden had forgotten, and the Rural Dean had done so, but had asked her if she had made that contact and not me. She of course, said yes. And because no-one spoke to me, she got away with it. So all you need to do is not talk to the victim, but only about them.
It is a form of snobbery. Even the nicest people tend to think that talking only to important people will do the job. I believe that there is a story about my having had an affair going about! No-one has said anything to me. But I seem to be being punished for it. There's a wariness in dealing with me. Of course, because you don't know for sure, you end up feeling paranoid. As they say, it messes with your mind! I should say at this point, that I haven't!
The trouble with behind your back accusations is that they can carry on being repeated indefinitely. It may not be true, it may be partly true, it may be true, but long ago dealt with in a proper manner. No-one will know. There is no tariff on gossip. You can be punished for twenty years for some imagined offence. Murderers get off quicker.
Sentamu wrote to Janet. What might I expect if there's someone out there who could and will help? A call from the Rural Dean? Or a contact from the Warden of Readers? Perhaps a letter from the Vulnerable Adults officer. There's a new one. I must be in their paperwork. Or even from the Bishop. That would be nice. Let's just say, I'm not holding my breath.
So, in conclusion, I'm reasonably hopeful that Janet will get something out of it. Much less hopeful that people like Gilo or Rev. Matt Ineson will, but it's possible. As for those with a very low profile? No. I don't think so. I'm afraid I don't think anyone is sorry.
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