Bernadette's story
I'm going to begin Bernadette's story in the middle. I may come back to it.
She had a bit of a struggle to be accepted for Reader training. As her Spiritual Director said, there seemed to be a degree of double think about it. She was often used more or less as a Reader. Not taking services, but preaching occasionally. As she herself said, "I'm not sure I should be let loose on the world without any training"! But eventually, she did get started. The incumbent at the time, S, started out making a point of being there when she preached. But never made any comments about how she had done. When she eventually asked following a service, he said he would speak to her about it later. And when she reminded him, he said he didn't want to look back, he wanted to move forward. Bernadette found this quite bewildering.
Once she was in training, she did find that she was asked to take services. The guidelines said that she should have a form filled in and sent to the training institute every time she took a service or preached, with a tick sheet on things like delivery and content. Unfortunately, S never sent these back, and was never there if she took a service. She started asking a member of the congregation to do it, until they complained (nicely), but that left her in a very difficult position. The guidelines also said that the parish should arrange support in prayer. Eventually, the Team Vicar started a prayer group. S never came.
Part way through Bernadette's training, S decided to leave and take up another post. He became even more neglectful. He frequently didn't turn up for mid-week services, leaving Bernadette to take a service herself. She found she was expected to take Communion by Extension, which was used in the Diocese, but she didn't have permission to do so. She confided in the Principal of the training institute, who sent out a circular about not using your trainees to fill in gaps. She wasn't the only trainee being used in this way.
In time, the Team Vicar, H, became the Team Rector. Another person also started training. The prayer support stopped. H asked Bernadette to take the mid-week service on a regular basis, or they would be cancelled! Back to the Principal. They agreed that you shouldn't give in to blackmail, and that her training needed to come first. Bernadette refused to take the services any more. They were never cancelled, but she believes that H always thought she was an awkward so-and-so from then on. H never heard Bernadette preach, and never attended the services she was helping with. There was an assistant priest, but he didn't believe that he should have to do it. Eventually, Bernadette mentioned to the other Reader-in-training that she hadn't seen H since the beginning of her final year. He told her that he had seen H every week.
Bernadette started looking into the possibility of being licenced to another parish. She had asked to be included in Team meetings, but H told her she wasn't in the team. Other Readers-in-training had been included, and indeed were included after her. She was persuaded to give H a try. It will be different once you're admitted, she was told. The last five weeks before she was admitted, she took six services, all of which involved preaching. When the rota for the new month came out, she asked to be given a break. She didn't appear on the rota again for four months. So far as she could see, H had simply forgotten her. When she went to see H, she told her she was being over sensitive. But still managed to miss her out the next month, too. When challenged, the reply was, "Oh, well, we'll try to fit you in somewhere."
Bernadette missed several team meetings because they were arranged at times she couldn't go. She had some success in dealing with this by speaking to two other members of the team, actually by getting cross. They apologised, obviously said something, and the time was changed. But it did happen again from time to time.
During the four years Bernadette shared a parish with her, H only heard her preach twice. And once was after her resignation had already been announced. Bernadette sat it out until the new incumbent was announced. And hoped things would improve. Part of the problem was that H was plainly favouring another Reader. Putting neglect alongside favouritism makes it worse.
I believe that Bernadette was being bullied. She doesn't think H meant to cause hurt. For example, probably H was using an old rota to draw up the next one, so Bernadette wasn't on the old one, and didn't get put in the next. But when Bernadette's mother was ill, H complained when she wanted a break to deal with her mother. Favouring other people, actually two other Readers, over her was probably because she thought they were vulnerable and Bernadette didn't need her. Other people who knew H agreed that this was very likely. Whatever label you put upon it, it made Bernadette very miserable. Sadly, the reason may very well simply be that H wasn't up to being team leader. A case of being promoted above her ability. And there was no suggestion that this was anything other than a mistake. So the question arises, how should the church deal with those who mean no harm, but are simply inadequate?
She had a bit of a struggle to be accepted for Reader training. As her Spiritual Director said, there seemed to be a degree of double think about it. She was often used more or less as a Reader. Not taking services, but preaching occasionally. As she herself said, "I'm not sure I should be let loose on the world without any training"! But eventually, she did get started. The incumbent at the time, S, started out making a point of being there when she preached. But never made any comments about how she had done. When she eventually asked following a service, he said he would speak to her about it later. And when she reminded him, he said he didn't want to look back, he wanted to move forward. Bernadette found this quite bewildering.
Once she was in training, she did find that she was asked to take services. The guidelines said that she should have a form filled in and sent to the training institute every time she took a service or preached, with a tick sheet on things like delivery and content. Unfortunately, S never sent these back, and was never there if she took a service. She started asking a member of the congregation to do it, until they complained (nicely), but that left her in a very difficult position. The guidelines also said that the parish should arrange support in prayer. Eventually, the Team Vicar started a prayer group. S never came.
Part way through Bernadette's training, S decided to leave and take up another post. He became even more neglectful. He frequently didn't turn up for mid-week services, leaving Bernadette to take a service herself. She found she was expected to take Communion by Extension, which was used in the Diocese, but she didn't have permission to do so. She confided in the Principal of the training institute, who sent out a circular about not using your trainees to fill in gaps. She wasn't the only trainee being used in this way.
In time, the Team Vicar, H, became the Team Rector. Another person also started training. The prayer support stopped. H asked Bernadette to take the mid-week service on a regular basis, or they would be cancelled! Back to the Principal. They agreed that you shouldn't give in to blackmail, and that her training needed to come first. Bernadette refused to take the services any more. They were never cancelled, but she believes that H always thought she was an awkward so-and-so from then on. H never heard Bernadette preach, and never attended the services she was helping with. There was an assistant priest, but he didn't believe that he should have to do it. Eventually, Bernadette mentioned to the other Reader-in-training that she hadn't seen H since the beginning of her final year. He told her that he had seen H every week.
Bernadette started looking into the possibility of being licenced to another parish. She had asked to be included in Team meetings, but H told her she wasn't in the team. Other Readers-in-training had been included, and indeed were included after her. She was persuaded to give H a try. It will be different once you're admitted, she was told. The last five weeks before she was admitted, she took six services, all of which involved preaching. When the rota for the new month came out, she asked to be given a break. She didn't appear on the rota again for four months. So far as she could see, H had simply forgotten her. When she went to see H, she told her she was being over sensitive. But still managed to miss her out the next month, too. When challenged, the reply was, "Oh, well, we'll try to fit you in somewhere."
Bernadette missed several team meetings because they were arranged at times she couldn't go. She had some success in dealing with this by speaking to two other members of the team, actually by getting cross. They apologised, obviously said something, and the time was changed. But it did happen again from time to time.
During the four years Bernadette shared a parish with her, H only heard her preach twice. And once was after her resignation had already been announced. Bernadette sat it out until the new incumbent was announced. And hoped things would improve. Part of the problem was that H was plainly favouring another Reader. Putting neglect alongside favouritism makes it worse.
I believe that Bernadette was being bullied. She doesn't think H meant to cause hurt. For example, probably H was using an old rota to draw up the next one, so Bernadette wasn't on the old one, and didn't get put in the next. But when Bernadette's mother was ill, H complained when she wanted a break to deal with her mother. Favouring other people, actually two other Readers, over her was probably because she thought they were vulnerable and Bernadette didn't need her. Other people who knew H agreed that this was very likely. Whatever label you put upon it, it made Bernadette very miserable. Sadly, the reason may very well simply be that H wasn't up to being team leader. A case of being promoted above her ability. And there was no suggestion that this was anything other than a mistake. So the question arises, how should the church deal with those who mean no harm, but are simply inadequate?
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